RAIDREN YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO WATCH SUPERNATURAL EVER AGAIN. I REALLY DON'T APPRECIATE IT WHEN MY MAIN CHARACTER STARTS CHANNELING DEAN WINCHESTER. What's next, are you going to fuck an angel to sparkly music while scarfing down a gigantic sandwich, all the while chewing with your mouth open?

"Raidaren," he called in a shouted whisper. "We should seek out help for this. What is the name of that witch whom sold you your amulet?"

"Le'driea," he said. He paused then, thinking, remembering. The witch had been a blunt woman, and a forward one at that. It was probably better that he told Zaide the truth now before she came out with it at the wrong time and caught them both off their guards. "She didn't sell it to me. She gave it to me."

"She did create it, though," Zaide said, as though to confirm.

"Yeah, of course," Raidaren said. "I watched her do it."

"And so she merely handed it over?" Zaide asked.

"Well," Raidaren whispered back loudly. "No. I slept with her for it."

Disgust and horror spread across the necromancer's face. Embarrassment touched at Raidaren's cheeks then. Maybe this hadn't been the best time to bring it up, but he had the distinct feeling that it was now or never; likely he would forget once they were on the road, and only remember once the witch's shack was back in plain view. By then it would be too late.

"So you truly are a whore," Zaide said flatly. "You give your body in exchange for something of value."

"If you want to look at it that way," Raidaren said. He hesitated then, thinking, but there was really no defense for himself that came to mind. "Yeah. I guess so."

"Go, Raidaren," Zaide said, brushing him off. "We have no time for this."

You make me sick. I'm embarrassed to be your author.

...

♥

Spoilers: Raidaren is the Michael Sword. :[

IDEA that must be included during revisions in December:

After the first job with the church, Raidaren does not just wake up in the next town. He wakes up in an inn at some town between the two jobs. Include some broful scene between him and Zaide involving gypsies. Yais. (lol and now why am I thinking of that scene in Mallrats with the topless fortune teller...)

Other things:

On the whole, needz moar Zaide. Raidaren is Mr. Clingy/Possessive and has been eating up all the attention of this novel. While he's off fucking bitches and being an asshole, Zaide kind of disappears and I've never written out the scenes of what he's doing. I need to do that. Also, do want more scenes of awkwardness between him and Sayla. "LORD ZAIDE~~" "ohgodpleasedon'ttouchmewoman" 8)

Also, why am I making all the soldiers such dicks in this story? People who don't know me would read this thinking, "wow she must really hate police/military." lol when in reality I suck the cock of all law enforcement. 8((( Goddamn. I need to have an awesome soldier in here somewhere.

NOTES: ( lololol spoilers )

Whoa, chapter dump. Sorry about that. I've been yo-yoing with my progress. Days will go by where I won't write anything at all, and then I'll bang out 3k or 4k at once.

So I've been thinking about our friend Raidaren. And I'm thinking that he's a little too boring the way he is now. And I'm thinking that I should make this universe a little bit more like Silent Hill. And so I've made the ghost sickness even more like it was on Supernatural: it only afflicts those that have cruelty in their hearts at the time of affliction. So, basically, Raidaren did some fucked up shit to those people in the village where he got infected. I just haven't decided what yet, though I'm almost certain it involves some form of rape, considering all that boy thinks about is sex. I don't think I've ever written more inner musings about sex for a character before-- not even Alex or Leon. All Rai thinks about is getting laid, when the last time he got laid was, who it was, whether or not he should just buy a whore because he needs to get his fucking rocks off, goddamn it. And even today in class he was assaulting me with images of a later part in the story, which is the beginnings of a gratuitous sex scene until the girl catches sight of his back and freaks out and begs him to let her go. But up until that point it was really kind of hot. 8(

ANYWAY

I came to this conclusion about the sickness as I was writing chapter nine (which I'm currently still working on) and Raidaren started musing about the kind of person he was during his days in the army versus the kind of person he is today. The boy's undergoing a severe identity crisis. That is to say, he doesn't know who he really is. Is he the nice boy hunter, who dwells on the guilt over the terrible things he's done? Or is he the bastard soldier he used to be, who really got a kick out of throwing his rank around in order to get him sex, and took to demeaning and humiliating people in order to get his way?

I'm actually really happy about this development concerning Rai's past and personality. It's so nice to write someone who's anyone other than the Good-Hearted Boy Who Doesn't Deserve What Life Has Given Him that I usually write. Rai deserves to be infected. Rai used to be every asshole cop you've ever met, every one of those soldiers who give the entire military a bad name through their ruthless murder and cruelty towards the people they were supposed to be protecting. And all the while he felt incredibly guilty about the things he was doing, but they also felt too good for him to want to stop, and so he's lived in eternal conflict over who he is and what he wants. Kind of like, the devil on his shoulder outweighed the angel during his military days, and now that he's on his own, the angel finally gets a chance to speak.

Suddenly this novel became less and less about telling a horror story and more and more about one man's search for redemption. LOVE IT.

Oh my, what is that dialogue in the second half of chapter two? That is fucking terrible, lmfao. It has got to go. A lot of the second half is pretty awful, actually. I didn't get a lot of the feeling I wanted from it, mostly because I was using write or die. Funny how last year it saved my novel, and this year it's just making it come out shitty.

I don't know what I want to do with chapter three. Here are my options:

1) Zaide shows up and saves Rai's faggot ass.
2) Rai somehow Winchesters his way out of this predicament. You know, that kind of tactic that would never work in real life but it somehow always gets the boys out of trouble.
3) Rai hulks out because all the ghostly badtouch is fucking with his illness.
4) Rai wakes up in the church randomly, not knowing how he got there or what became of the phantoms. Of course, then I'd have to figure out what the fuck got him there, too. 8(

I've been toying with the idea of making Rai & Zaide's relationship more comical. This is going to be a bad analogy, but kind of like the relationship between the troopers & the local police in Super Troopers. Just Rai always shows up five minutes too late, and Zaide's there already, waving his dick around in victory and telling Rai to stfu and go home. And Rai's just like "augh I hate that fuckin guy D:"

Things I DO want to incorporate during this town's issue (like I said, I don't want this one job to encompass the whole novel):
1) Zaide tries to pass off that he's a priest in order to gain the commonfolk's trust and slowly warm their sensibilities up to him using necromancy to help them. Raidaren, being the good rival he is, calls him out in front of everyone. Rai, meanwhile, is trying to pass off that he's not only still with the Queen's army, but a paladin as well. Zaide gets pissed and tries to out Rai right back, but it falls a little short.
2) Rai (and possibly Zaide, I haven't decided yet) heads over to the graveyard and find that the graves are glowing blue and yellow-- similar to the unholy aura that the phantoms were giving off, only more bluish. Both boys are totally stumped by this phenomena and have never seen it before, ever.
3) Typical completion of burial rites/destruction of corpses doesn't work. Rai (and possibly Zaide, I haven't decided yet) has to actually perform a pretty dark spell to get these fuckers to stop terrorizing the living. The ritual involves the use of a holy man's blood, staking of offending corpses, and his own blood (though he doesn't tell anyone that the reason he needs to use his own blood is because it's tainted from his sickness).
4) Rai hallucinates in the church while scratching himself as though he has VD. I have to, it's just funny.

I'm also toying around with the idea that the phantom that infected Rai is being controlled by someone, but then it would either have to be someone who has a beef with Rai or is just a typical Villain Character Who Wants To Take Over The World.

Hey, maybe it can be the Queen. That's food for thought. She wiped out Rai's platoon because they were the best and most righteous and would probably have stood in her way. I'll play with that idea later.

Because, I mean, right now, that phantom is the shittiest antagonist ever. He's not doing anything out of any real motivation or evil plotting. It's just. That's what he does. The same way zombies infect people, so does he.

Things I also have to take into account:
1) What is causing this strange phenomena in this town that I'm currently writing about?
2) What about the beggar?
3) Is it time I gave the altar boy a name?
4) Gurta Taisman: warlock, stupid woman playing with magic, or innocent?

My chapters are turning out to be much longer in this story than last year's. I hit the 5k mark today and I'm not yet through chapter two. I'm kind of worried about what that says, how long this book is actually going to end up being. I really didn't want it to just be about this one job with the multiple phantoms and the church and blah blah blah-- I just wanted that to be a stepping stone into the rest of the book. I wanted there to be a much larger picture and storyline going on here, but uh... Rai's not even at the fucking church yet ok. 8|

I still don't have an antagonist. I guess I can't really complain about not having an overarching story if I don't have an antagonist yet, huh? What I need to do is to sit down and figure out what the fuck Raidaren is fighting for. Yeah, okay, he was kicked out of the Queen's army, but why? And why did he turn to tracking phantoms? I don't want there to be some shitty cliche reason like revenge or love or personal honor, but I'm not sure what else that leaves.

And speaking of cliches, I don't want Zaide to become one, either. Okay, so he's Raidaren's rival, which means he'll either:
A) go crazy at some point and fuck Rai over royally, a la Seifer or Riku
B) save Rai's life/get saved by Rai and become BFFs with him
C) end up being the antagonist
D) begrudgingly have to team up with Rai at some point later in the story to get shit done, but will be entirely ungrateful for it, a la Vegeta
E) all of the above

B| I DON'T WANT THAT FOR ZAIDE GODDAMN IT.

rrrrrrrrrrrr fuckies.

Welome to my NaNo for 2009 yaaay!

Quality of writing really isn't off to as good of a start as my 2008 book, but I think the scene setting is much, much better this time around. Also, Raidaren is way more of an agreeable protagonist to write than Sovoran was.

Things I don't like about my chapter one:
1) grammar/mechanics. look back over them.
2) every other paragraph has a fun fact about Raidaren. I overemphasize the fact that he's NOT a soldier anymore. need to cut that back a little. We know too much about him too early
3) the beggar needs a funny accent
4) Rai seems slightly inconsistent in description, though not in dialogue. need to find a balance between expressing that he's really kind of a nice guy, but he doesn't put up with people's shit either. Kind of like Sammy Winchester.

Things I DO like about my chapter one:
1) the relationship between the beggar and the smoke in the room
2) atmosphere sets up the novel nicely
3) exposition is given in enough detail without being boring
4) the beggar's "shaft of an arrow" remark. I'm really quite proud of it

??? about my chapter one:
1) Zaide's entrance/description/attitude towards Raidaren???
2) Rai saying the word "ass"
3) Does it need a prologue?

I still really don't have a direction for this novel to go in yet. I don't have anything readily in mind for a plot, I don't have an ending, I don't even have an antagonist set up. I have the beginning of chapter 2 sort of thought about, but I don't know where it's going to go. I'm just hoping I don't run out of steam on this thing.

RAI COMES OFF AS KIND OF A DOUCHEBAG THOUGH. And like. lmfao I feel like I have his character down pretty okay, but I don't want people to look at him and be like "yeah he's shitty" or "yeah this guy's a douche" or "yeah he's too generic, I can't like him." THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE TO HIM...

Happiness is a Sovoran hissy fit. :3

I did one of those crazy things that writers do where I acted out that whole scene. orz You should've seen me, sitting on my bed, waving my arms around like I was swinging a sword, then yelling "FORGET IT" and throwing my arms down like a baseball ref proclaiming "SAFE." I probably looked like a mental patient.

I have an idea formulating in my head concerning Sari and Balle. We'll see where that takes me. 8)

I would just like it to be known that the way I get my names for large cities is by going into WoW and using the random name generator LOL No seriously I actually do that. Nuadoria came from a draenei female, and Trutha came from an undead male. Smaller towns like Evesham and Lakecrest are actual towns I've seen in the tri-state area. I have absolutely no creativity at all.

As far as chapter 18 is concerned, I expect that to be finagled with a lot during editing. The only reason that scene with Roman is there is to break up the events going on in Sovoran's storyline, because I didn't feel like writing out the first half of that training session; I thought it'd be too much and unnecessary. Also we needed a small bit of insight as to how Roman's doing mentally, because he's finally developing and slowly creeping his way to his character 180 that I've been planning ever since day one. It will probably just be moved in location somewhere because it's somewhat awkward, but it's fine for where it is right now.

I've noticed that I'm getting lazy as far as sensory descriptions go. Most of my prose is inner monologueing now, and I don't really like that. If you look back at the prologue, Doran has some really good descriptions of his setting and the things he's doing. Everyone else seems to be getting gipped out of that. This will have to be remedied later.

I just realized that it's chapter 19 and Lucios still doesn't have a first name. 8') He keeps telling me that he doesn't want one, that it's frivolous information. What a prick. He's getting one whether he likes it or not. I'm taking Ashley home, whether you like it or not.

SCRE 40K WORDS WHAT I AM SO CLOSE TO 50K I CAN ALMOST TASTE IT. I- I'm scared that I'm going to be so eager to reach the end that I'm going to just rush the shit out of things and have everything end way sooner than they should. While I know in my head that the novel doesn't have to end at 50k, it just fucks with me because I've spent all month looking at 50k as "the end." So I'm going to make a list.

Things to do before the end of the novel:
- Develop more of Roman and Sari's relationship
- Give Lucios time to study shadow magic
- Have Sari give Roman access to shadow magic
- Teach Sovoran how to use a sword
- Develop Sovoran's new persona
- Reunite Sovoran and Roman
- Give Sovoran and Roman time to study shadow magic and get GOOD at it
- Have Arianna go visit Sovoran
- Lots of Sovoran and Roman epic fagging
- Kill Russ (whoops spoiler)
- Sovoran's triumphant return to the cathedral

THEN you can start the avalanche of events leading to the ending of the novel, self. Don't forget to add ALL of these things before you go into the ending. Also, self, you need to add in some awesome magic casting scenes. So far, the only casting you show is in times of crisis and desperation. Some experimentation and real studying-- going into REAL detail-- would be really cool. Maybe you could even go back to the prologue and let Doran have a scene of his own.

Just a little bit of notes on Roman's despair in the beginning of chapter 15. Chances are I'm going to go back and expand on that a bit more when I go back and revise the novel. I'm basing his feelings off of something similar I experienced just this last spring, so I know I can do better.

Also, what is Sari up to, seducing sweet innocent naive little Roman then running back to Lucios? What a cunt. 8)

Chapters 15 and 16 were very transitional in nature. Shit's really starting to go down and fuck up now, and shadow magic will finally be introduced to our main characters. I find it curious how they all seem to come into it at the same time-- even Lucios. But if Lucios is just getting it now, then that means he wasn't the one sending demons after people. So who was...? 8)

OOOH OOOH I KNOW I KNOW PICK ME TEACHER PICK ME. 8)

BAAWWW ROMAN'S FIRST KISS BAW BAW BAW BAW BAW

*heart melts all over keyboard. keyboard short circuits*

LOL SPOILERS SPOILERS ALSO COCKS.

I'LL BE POSTING STORY CONTENT SOON OR SOMETHING I GUESS. IDK. BAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW

My sleep cycle is so royally fucked from this novel and my copious amounts of coffee intake. I'm so glad that I have break from school until this damn novel writing month is over.

After tomorrow.

I have to get up in like 5 1/5 hours whatever it's cool.

This has absolutely no bearing or relevance on anything, but I was sitting here chewing on my glasses and reading over all my notes on my novel, and I was thinking about how Sov and Roman got their names. Sovoran was named after my old guild leader on World of Warcraft, an undead priest and one of the most helpful and level-headed players I've ever had the pleasure of playing with, all the while having an awesome sense of humor and having genuine fun with the game. (FUN FACT: I just looked up his WoW armory. On our server, the guild he was the leader of that I was in with him was called the Kings of Insanity. Now I see that there's a human priest on a completely different server with the same player name AND guild name. Funny how that works. I wonder if he just has two different characters, just one for horde and one for alliance.)

Roman, however, has a slightly more obscure namesake. gearcheim and I met through the wastedlands roleplay, her being the Leon to my Claire. During one of our very first logs, she added in a random mischievous black cat that continuously bugged Leon and that Claire soon adopted to get out of his way (irony: they moved in together a short time later, so Leon was stuck with the damn hairball anyway). With the NPC cat now under my control, I named him Roman. It was the very first original creation that came as a collaboration of both gearcheim and I. Since the entire novel is based off a much larger story that she and I also created together, I named the water mage (that was supposed to represent her, actually. Sovoran represents me-- might be why I was having so many problems with his personality) after our cat as an homage. Roman the cat and Roman the water mage actually have very little in common as far as personality is concerned. Roman the cat was kind of a prick who would shit on the rug just to spite Leon, then go curl up on Claire's lap and purr. As a matter of fact, Claire even made an ic secret about it. 8) It still makes me giggle when I look at that picture, actually. orz

It just makes me smile to see how far Sovoran and Roman have come since their inception as two bodiless entities that wander through an empty and dead Nuadoria like ghosts. They've really come into their own, and I know that the end of this novel is going to break my heart. I'll pretty much have to write a sequel with a happier ending, because I can't stand the thought of just leaving them in limbo like that, alone and damned for the rest of eternity. And by the time of the sequel, they'll become the two mages that gearcheim had originally planned them out to be. Much more mature and in control of what they're doing. The events of chapters 2-5 are in stark contrast to that, and the level of growth they'll be going through is just incredible and touching.

I just wasted most of my between-class time fagging about this. orz I only have like half an hour to actually write now. I didn't get to sleep til 3am this morning and had to get up at 7 for class, so maybe it's better if I nap before I start writing anyway. After all, I did just go through a delirious sleep-deprived speech about my motherly love for my characters. 8|

wao. Chapter 14 is actually the length of a Big Person Book's chapter. 8D Gogogogo, write or die! It was made possible because of you! And now I might make it to 50k by the 1st! I have a feeling that this book is going to be a bit longer than 50k. It might end at 60 or even 70, and then when I go back and edit it, it'll be even longer. Something in my gut is telling me something about the number 85k, but let's not get too carried away just yet. Right now I'm only at 35. That would mean I'm not even halfway done. @_@ LOL JESUS. Let's just see how it goes from there. I want to try to get to 40 by the end of tomorrow, though. 8| I know, I was supposed to be at 40 a long time ago. sigh. Wrath of the Lich King fell into my hands, and that was really, really stupid of me. For the record, I blame Chris Baty, who emailed me all like, "GO CELEBRATE AT 25K WORDS, YOU DESERVE IT 8D" >.> lol maybe I should've just picked a different celebration.

Not much to say about this chapter except things might seem weird or awkwardly written because it was all written under the extreme pressure of the write or die program. One thing I did notice, though, was that I didn't quite get the dynamic between Russ and Sovoran where I wanted it. He was fine with Herlinda, but I wanted a bit of unspoken male bonding, a feeling of unexplainable trust to form between them. The dynamic was just missed, and I have to go back and fix it.

I also have to go and re-read chapter 1 to see what I have written so far regarding Russ's family. LAWL HOW QUICKLY I FORGET.

I am so fucking looking forward to writing the awkward scenes of Sovoran learning to use a sword and failing tremendously at it, all the while yelling and cursing about how he's a fucking mage goddamn it he shouldn't be using swords. 8D hee.

WHEN I HIT 50K WORDS WE'RE HAVING A PARTY OK? I REALLY FEEL LIKE THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN.